


Heaven

by Sugaandspice



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Falling In Love, Friendship/Love, Heaven by Troye Sivan, Heavy Angst, Inspired by Music, Jealous Tsukishima Kei, Jealousy, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Sad, Sugamama, Volleyball Dorks in Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-17
Updated: 2016-03-17
Packaged: 2018-05-27 05:29:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6271588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sugaandspice/pseuds/Sugaandspice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yamaguchi just wants Tsukishima to show that he loves him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heaven

_Never in my entire life did I think that I would actually lose him. He would have followed me to the ends of the earth if I asked him too. I still dream about him. I dream about the way he sounded when he told me, his voice not even wavering as he walked out of my life without so much as a second thought. I knew I treated him like crap, but I loved him. Oh God, I loved him…_

“Good morning, Tsukki.”

            Yamaguchi grinned as he bounded up to his boyfriend. Kei only grunted in response and the two began their walk to school. As per usual, Tsukishima had his headphones on, music blasting in his ears. Yamaguchi was always worried about Tsukishima losing his hearing, but he also liked hearing the music as they walked. Yamaguchi’s hand brushed Tsukishima’s and his breath hitched. They never touched in public and if they happened to by accident, anxiety and fear would take over, making Tadashi feel sick to his stomach as he braced himself for Kei’s remarks.

            However, this time his boyfriend took him by surprise and actually took his hand. Kei laced his fingers through Tadashi’s and gave his hand a small squeeze. A light pink blush spread across the smaller boy’s face and he looked up at his boyfriend, love and admiration clear in his eyes.

            “Stop that.” Tsukishima said.

            “Sorry Tsukki.”

            Yamaguchi blushed and looked away. He knew that Tsukki didn’t really like it when he stared, but he couldn’t help it. He found the blonde to be quite attractive and sometimes he just wants to bask in the beauty that is Tsukishima Kei.

            “Are we still studying tonight?”

            When Yamaguchi didn’t receive an answer, he pulled Tsukishima’s headphone off some and asked again.

            “Are we—?”

            “We always do.” Kei interrupted. “And don’t do that.”

            Yamaguchi frowned slightly and let go. The couple walked through the school gates and Tsukishima dropped his hand and immediately took a few steps away from the dark haired boy. Yamaguchi’s frown grew and he let out a small sigh. He loved Tsukki, he really did, but sometimes being with him was hard. He never even wanted to hold hands unless they were the only two at home and had no chance of getting caught.

There had been one time where Kei had literally shoved him off his lap and onto the floor because he _thought_ he heard the door shut downstairs. No one had actually been there. That night Tadashi went home with both a bruised ass and an aching heart. He always pretended like it didn’t bother him, he was good at that, but deep down he was hurting and he knew that would never change.

Kei wanted to keep them a secret so Tadashi figured he could either suffer in silence or lose Kei as both his friend and his boyfriend altogether. He decided the latter option seemed a lot less painful so he kept quiet and dealt with having to hide the one he loves.

Yamaguchi followed Tsukishima into the gym and sighed again. He knew people talked about that, claiming he followed the other around like a lost puppy. Tsukishima never stood up for him, but he didn’t tell him to stop either so Yamaguchi never saw it as a problem.

The boys changed for practice and Yamaguchi walked to the far corner of the gym. Two weeks ago he somehow managed to hit Daichi, Tanaka and Hinata once and Kageyama twice all in one practice so he decided to stay away from everyone after that.

Daichi insisted that it was okay, but Yamaguchi didn’t really care. Suga would come and toss to him sometimes but a lot of the time he spent by himself. He knew he wasn’t as good as the rest of the team but he was trying his best and that’s what matters, right?

Practice ended and everyone changed back into their school uniform. Yamaguchi moved slowly, not really looking forward to what the day held.

“Hurry up, Yamaguchi.”

“Coming.”

Tsukishima walked away, leaving Yamaguchi alone. He sighed softly and walked out of the gym and caught up with Tsukishima. He reach for the blonde’s hand again, disappointed when he jerked it away. He wasn’t surprised, but it still hurt him a little bit. He was hoping that since Tsukki held his hand on the way to school then maybe he would again now but clearly he had hoped for too much. Yamaguchi sighed and Tsukishima glared at him.

“Can you stop? You’ve been doing that all morning.”

Yamaguchi frowned.

“Sorry Tsukki.”

The two started walking to class and Yamaguchi stayed quiet, doing his best to stay a few steps back from Tsukishima. When they walked into English, he sat down in his seat and started to sigh again. He remembered what Tsukishima said and stopped, causing himself to choke instead. Tsukishima shot him a glare, not even checking to see if he was alright. Yamaguchi sank down in his seat and put his head on his desk. He began to think that Tsukki no longer cared about him at all and it was making him feel sick.

The rest of the day went by excruciatingly slow for Tadashi and Kei only acted more cold. They ate lunch together, but Kei only sat there with his headphones on and ignored his freckled friend. Yamaguchi had dealt with it all up until the end of the day when he ended up walking to practice alone. He waited for ten minutes before realizing he probably wouldn’t show up and headed to the gym without his beloved Tsukki.

Yamaguchi walked into the gym, his heart sinking when he sees his boyfriend has already arrived and has started warming up across the gym. He walked slowly to the clubroom to change, ignoring Suga as he said hello. When the practice game started he sat down, trying to look anywhere and everywhere except for at Tsukishima. He knew he’d have to face him soon; they had a study date tonight, but for the time being he planned to stick to himself. It shouldn’t be too hard, that’s how everything was before he and Tsukki even met.

However, all his plans went out the window when the half of the team that Tsukishima was on won. Practice ended and Tsukki walked over to where Yamaguchi was sitting. The smaller boy jumped up and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend.

“Good job, Tsukki!”

Tsukki grunted and shoved Yamaguchi off of him. He was taken aback; Tsukki had _never_ gotten anything even close to aggressive with him. He took a step back, staring at the blonde before turning and quickly walking away. He hid in the bathroom, waiting until he no longer heard voices before coming out again.

He got changed and left the clubroom, surprised to see the captain and vice-captain still there. Yamaguchi looked down at the floor, trying to avoid their gaze. He shifted his eyes up, glancing at their interlocked fingers. Yamaguchi wouldn’t lie, he was jealous. He wished that Tsukishima would be that way with him in public. He wanted to hold his hand as they walked down the street and lean over and kiss his cheek just because he could.

As if on cue, Suga leaned over and kissed Daichi’s cheek. Yamaguchi looked back down, his chest tightening and the sickening feeling rising in his stomach again.

“Go to the car,” he said, holding out a set of keys. “I want to talk to Yamaguchi for a moment.”

Daichi nodded.

“Okay, I’ll be waiting.”

The captain walked away, leaving Yamaguchi alone with Sugawara.

“Yamaguchi, can we talk?”

Yamaguchi stared at the floor, shuffling his feet slightly before nodding and finally looking at the upperclassman.

“What’s going on?” Suga asked. “Are you and Tsukishima okay?”

Yamaguchi shrugged.

“I don’t know.” He choked out.

His chest hurt and he felt like he was going to cry. He was surprised that he’d been able to keep it together as far as he had.

“What happened?” Suga asked.

“I don’t know.” Yamaguchi said again. “We walked to school together like usually and… and he held my hand but as soon as we got here he let go and stepped away. Then he just got really cold and hostile…”

Yamaguchi frowned and his bottom lip began to quiver. He mentally cursed himself for being so emotional. He was glad it was Suga here though and not anyone else. It wasn’t that he didn’t love his team because he did, but they would probably all make fun of him. Sugawara has a heart of pure gold and Yamaguchi knew he was free from judgement.

“He ignored me at lunch and left for practice without me.” his voice cracked. “And I tried to hug him and he shoved me and I know he doesn’t like PDA but he’s never been aggressive.”

Tears ran down Yamaguchi’s face but he couldn’t help but smile as Suga rummaged through his bag and pulled out a small pack of tissues then passed it to him. Suga really was like a team mom. He took care of everyone as best as he could. He even takes care of Daichi and calms him down when he starts to look like he wants to kill Kageyama and Hinata.

“What do I do, Suga-senpai? I love him so much.”

Suga smiled fondly at Yamaguchi and took a breath in.

“What is Tsukishima like when you aren’t at school?” he asked.

“If his family isn’t there then he’s really kind and gentle but if they are then he never wants to touch me. He makes sure to even sit far away so our knees don’t even brush against each other.”

“Has he ever told you that he loves you?”

Yamaguchi paused, thinking it over for a moment before shaking his head.

“No…” he said softly.

“Then maybe…” Suga paused.

He didn’t want to hurt Yamaguchi more or tell him to end his relationship, afterall, Yamaguchi knows Tsukishima better than anyone else. Suga also really cares about Yamaguchi though and he hated to see him hurting like this.

“Yamaguchi…” Suga began. “You know Tsukishima better than anyone… but even you seem to be shacked and hurt by his actions. Maybe… you should give him an ultimatum.”

“What do you mean?” Yamaguchi asked.

“Like… talk to him.” Suga said. “Tell him how you feel and tell him you want things to change.”

“Or I’ll leave him?”

Suga nodded.

“But I don’t want to… what if I lose him forever?”

“You’re his best friend.” Suga said. “You won’t lose him forever.”

“But what if I do?”

Suga paused, mulling over what he should say next.

“If Tsukishima leaves you because you want more out of your relationship then he isn’t worth it anyways. You’re a sweet guy, Yamaguchi and you deserve more than someone who just shows you they care when you’re alone. You deserve someone who wants to show you off to the world.”

“Like you and Daichi?”

Suga smiled.

“Yeah, like me and Daichi.”

At that moment, the captain walked back into the gym.

“Babeeee.” He whined, causing Yamaguchi to giggle.

“Yes, dear?”

“Come on. I’m hungry.”

“I’m talking to sweet little Yamaguchi.”

“You’ve been talking to him for twenty minutes.”

“Shhh, be patient or no kisses.”

“Okay, I’ll be good.”

Suga turned back to Yamaguchi and grinned.

“And when you have him wrapped around your finger it’s even better.” He whispered.

“What was that?” Daichi asked.

“Nothing.” Suga grinned and winked at Yamaguchi. “Come on, we’ll walk you out.”

The younger boy nodded and followed the others out. Talking to Suga helped him a lot. He wanted what Suga and Daichi have and if he had to threaten to leave his boyfriend to get that then he guesses that’s what he’ll do. They stopped by Suga’s car and he smiled.

“Good luck, Yamaguchi.”

“Thank you.”

Suga smiled and Yamaguchi headed down the road towards Tsukishima’s house. He knew his boyfriend would scold him for being late, but he didn’t care. Tsukki had left him alone multiple times that day so he could deal with it just like Yamaguchi had.

When he arrives at the Tsukishima residence, there’s a car in the driveway causing Yamaguchi to sigh. He knows it’ll be a lot harder now but he’s trying to stay calm anyways. He knocked on the door and was soon greeted by the sullen face of his boyfriend.

“You’re late.”

“I had stuff to do.”

“Like what?”

Yamaguchi walked by Tsukishima, slipping his shoes off and making his way up the stairs to Tsukki’s bedroom. He dropped his bag and sat down on the floor. He took out his English textbook, not bothering to look up when Tsukishima walked in.

“What’s with you today?” Tsukishima asked.

“Nothing.” Yamaguchi replied.

Tsukishima sighed and sat down next to him. Yamaguchi still didn’t look up, trying to focus on his work.

“Tadashi, look at me.”

Yamaguchi sighed and looked up.

“Yes, Kei?”

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not.”

Yamaguchi looked back down at his homework. He paused then decided to try something. He set his pencil down and looked up, leaning over and pressing his lips to Tsukishima’s. The blonde pulled away almost instantly.

“What are you doing? My brother is here!”

Yamaguchi let out a dry laugh.

“You’re a real jerk sometimes.” He said. “I get that you don’t like PDA but we’re alone. Half the school knows we’re together so why can’t we just act like a couple? For God sakes, Tsukki, we’ve been together for two years!”

He knew he was going overboard, but the words just kept spilling out of his mouth and he couldn’t stop them.

“You won’t even kiss me with your family home. They knew I liked you before you did!”

“Do you have a point?”

“I can’t take this anymore.”

Yamaguchi started to pack up his things and Tsukishima grabbed his wrist.

“Just wait, Yama.”

“No, Tsukishima, stop.”

Tsukki froze. Yamaguchi always calls him Tsukki, occasionally Kei, but _never_ Tsukishima. Yamaguchi stood up and walked to the door.

“I love you.” Yamaguchi said. “But you clearly don’t feel the same way. So… goodbye.”

Tsukishima tried to stop him but he couldn’t move. He heard the door slam shut and he felt something wet on his cheeks. He brushed the tears away and swallowed. Yamaguchi sobbed on the front steps. He couldn’t believe he actually just ended their relationship. He ran home and up to his room, throwing himself onto his bed as he continued to cry into his pillow. He sobbed until he wore himself out and fell asleep.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            The next morning Yamaguchi woke up and began getting ready for school. He tried to ignore the aching in his chest and made his way to practice. When he got there, he quickly got changed in hopes to avoid Tsukishima. He opened the door, his breath catching in his throat as he ran into the very person he hoped he wouldn’t. Tsukishima had messy hair and large bags under his eyes which made it seem like he didn’t sleep at all the previous night. Unknown to Yamaguchi, he hadn’t.

            The smaller boy quickly walked away and went to find Sugawara. He spoke softly, making sure he didn’t cry again. Suga just gave him a sad smile and pulled him in for a hug. Hinata bounded over and looked up at Yamaguchi, staring at him with a sympathetic smile. Kageyama followed Hinata over and wrapped his arm around his shoulder. Much to his surprise, the four of them spoke quietly, as Tsukishima watch from the clubroom doorway.

            Once they dispersed, Tsukishima took his usual spot and practice started. He was distracted though and only turned out more upset than before. Daichi asked him if he was okay but Tsukishima only ignored him. His anger only grew more when practice ended and he watched Yamaguchi walked away with Kageyama and Hinata, the two clutching hands as if the other was the most precious thing in the world. Tsukishima sighed, wondering how in the hell Kageyama ended up being a better boyfriend than he was.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            It was Wednesday when Yamaguchi broke up with Tsukishima and by the next one he had enough. Yamaguchi had spent every single day with Kageyama and Hinata and he hadn’t even bothered to look Tsukishima’s way. He’d had a rather lonely week, especially considering that Yamaguchi was his only friend anyways. Tsukishima had started to text him a few times but then he remembered Yamaguchi wanted nothing to do with him and he set his phone down and gave up.

            When Friday got there, Tsukishima couldn’t take it anymore. After practice he walked to Yamaguchi’s house, his heart pounding in his chest. He took a deep breath before knocking, trying to ignore the emptiness he felt in his chest. The door opened quickly and the woman smiled.

            “Kei, it’s so lovely to see you again!”

            “Is Tadashi here?”

            “No, but he’ll be home soon. Would you like to come in?”

            Tsukishima nodded and walked in. he slipped his shoes off and followed Mrs. Yamaguchi into the kitchen. She made him a cup of tea and he smiled slightly.

            “How’ve you been? You haven’t been over in a while.”

            “T-T-Tadashi usually comes to my house.”

            “So why did you come here? Is everything alright?”

            “I-we-I…”

            Tsukishima was cut off by a phone ringing.

            “Oh!” Mrs. Yamaguchi cried. “I’m sorry, dear, I have to get that.”

            She got up and ran upstairs, leaving Tsukishima alone at the table. He stared into his tea, tears forming in his eyes. He missed his beloved Tadashi more than anything and he just wanted him back.

            “Please Yama…” he whispered.

            The door opened and his heart skipped a beat when he heard Yamaguchi’s voice. He heard laughter, but he knew for a fact that it wasn’t Yamaguchi’s laugh. A moment later Yamaguchi entered the kitchen, Hinata trailed behind him, a sleeping bag tucked under his arm. All three boys froze and Tsukishima and Yamaguchi locked eyes.

            “What’s he doing here?”

            “I could ask you the same thing.”

            “You don’t even like him.”

            “No.” Yamaguchi said. “You don’t like him. Hinata is really nice and we actually have a lot in common.”

            Tsukishima swallowed hard. He couldn’t take this.

            “I’m sorry; I’m just going to go. Thank your mom for the tea.”

            He stood up and walked to the door.

            “It’s okay.” Hinata said. “Don’t cry, Tadashi.”

            Tsukishima’s chest tightened. He was supposed to be the only one to call him that. He quickly left, blinking back tears. He just wanted Yamaguchi. He would even be okay if he didn’t love him anymore; he just wanted his best friend back.

            When he got home, he walked up to his room and shut the door. He lay down, staring at the ceiling for a moment before grabbing his phone, turning up his much, and letting himself drown in his heartache.

            The next few days were even worse for Tsukishima. Yamaguchi spent every moment with Kageyama and Hinata and to make it worse, even Kageyama had started calling Yamaguchi by his first name. It pained Tsukishima and right then he made a decision. He was going to get Yamaguchi back. Even if it was the last thing he did.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            It was Saturday and the game against Aoba Josai was a close one. They were in the third set and Karasuno needed six points to win the game. Yamaguchi was called in to serve and Tsukishima could see him shaking as he stepped onto the court. Tsukishima knew that Yamaguchi had been practicing his ass off and whether or not anyone else had any faith in the pinch server, he wasn’t sure, but he sure as hell did.  The whistle blew and Yamaguchi served the ball.

            “Come on, Yams.” Tsukishima murmured.

            The ball hit the floor on the other side and Karasuno cheered. Five more points. Another serve let to another point down. Four points left. Yamaguchi helped to score three more points before their opponents scored and he sat back down. However, in just a few more minutes Karasuno scored another point and the team erupted in cheers. Before he could talk himself out of it, Tsukishima ran over to Yamaguchi and grabbed his face.

            “Tsuk—”

            He cut him off, pressing his lips to Yamaguchi’s. The smaller boy was stiff at first but quickly began to kiss him back. Yamaguchi wrapped his arms around Tsukishima’s neck and Tsukishima moved his to Yamaguchi’s waist. He quickly swiped his tongue across Yamaguchi’s lip who happily obliged and parted his lips to let Tsukishima slide his tongue in and deepen the kiss. After a moment they pulled away and stared at each other. Tears streamed down Tsukishima’s face and Yamaguchi giggled.

            “You have emotions!” he teased.

            “Shut up, Yamaguchi.” Tsukishima grinned playfully.

            “Sorry Tsukki.”

            The blonde’s heart soared. He had missed that stupid nickname so much. That stupid nickname that he had come to love. That came from the boy he loves.

            “I’m so sorry for treating you like shit.” Tsukishima murmured. “If you take me back then I promise I’ll be better. I’ll kiss you a lot and hold your hand all the time and let you cling onto me like Nishinoya does to Asahi.”

            Yamaguchi giggled again.

            “Tsukki.”

            “And we can cuddle as much as you want, even around my family.”

            “Tsukki.”

            “And—”

            “Tsukki!”

            “What?”

            “I’m not going to take you back.”

            “Oh…”

            “Because I never even let you go.”

            It took a moment for Yamaguchi’s words to register but when they did a huge grin spread across Tsukishima’s face. He pulled Yamaguchi into a bone crushing hug and then leaned down and kissed him again.

            “I love you.”

            “Took you long enough.”

            “Shut up, Yamaguchi.”

            “Sorry Tsukki.”

            The two boys grinned and Tsukishima sighed. Yamaguchi started up at him and slowly lifted a hand up to run it through his boyfriend’s blonde hair.

            “I love you, Tadashi.”

            Yamaguchi smiled and stood up on his toes, kissing Tsukishima gently.

            “I love you too, Kei.”

**Author's Note:**

> I cried three times while writing this.  
> I'm sorry for any pain I caused while reading.


End file.
